For everything unsolvable within us
Home is not the house, the car, a family, status and career you have always dreamed of called success. Home is a continuous return to where all your own attempts to solve what is unsolvable within you has dissolved into a clear moment of presence.
At the core of our human experience we are faced with problems.
Photo of Carl Gustav Jung.
Carl Jung writes about this in his essay on the stages of life;
“Why does man, in obvious contrast to the animal world, have problems? …There are no problems without consciousness… This (inner tension) state only arises when what was an external limitation becomes an inner obstacle; when one impulse opposes itself to another.”
The first important distinction to make is between a problem and polarity. A problem is an external limitation that can be solved. A polarity is an inner tension that cannot be solved. The inner tension is like an itch that never goes away. In over 10 years of facilitating people towards growth and healing I have not met a single person without an inner tension. For this inner tension we do not have answers for it, only questions. What can we do with these questions? If we cannot solve this polarity, how can we deal with it?
Let's take the most obvious polarity we encounter in every moment - breathing. You cannot solve your breathing, as long as you are alive you will be required to breathe. What is the best way to breathe? Well it depends, doesn't it? The best way to breathe would be influenced greatly by the situation you are in. Because you already know that you will be required to breathe as long as you are alive, it is not a matter of solving it. The only thing you can do is to be as efficient as you can be in your breathing.
The questions that arise from our inner tension puts us on an infinite discovery. The only thing you can do is to be as efficient as you can be with the questions, it is not a matter of answering them. We are efficient with the questions when we are in a clear moment of presence; Who am I? Why am I here? How do I choose to respond?
Who we are finds us in our responsibility to be efficient in this tension; in other words finding meaning in it.
The poet Rainer Maria Rilke in his letters to a young poet wrote:
Photo of Rainer Maria Rilke.
"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which you cannot be given because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer."
In our attempt to escape the inner tension we dedicate our life to become successful believing it will be the answer we have been looking for. We are purpose driven in reaching our success in order to solve our inner tension. This road is a highway marked with billboards and signposts telling you which rules to follow to reach the promised mountain.
Generally there are two scenarios in which a person wakes up to the second part of their life with the realisation that their inner tension is unsolvable - that the questions cannot be answered, in the same way in which we cannot be alive without breathing. We either reach the top of our promised mountain only to find ourselves achieving the success we have always dreamed off as the rest of our life is stretched out ahead of us and our inner tension is knocking with questions inside of us; what now? Or we never make it to the promised mountain, rather we are distraught on the side of the road after giving success everything we had to give and with no option left but to give up and hopelessly abandon any sort of belief that our inner tension can ever be solved through our own doing. Both have in common a frightening truth we have fought against facing our whole lives up till now; that there is something beyond our understanding inside the core of our being asking us to wake up from the dream that is dreaming who we are and have always been.
Do you have any idea what I am saying? The problem you are dedicating your life to solve is not a problem and no matter how much will-power and determination you have it only leads to anxiety, stress, hopelessness and resentment. I hope this reaches you in time.
In my weekly reflection I write for Curiosity Campus;
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Artwork by Dehan von Solms.
Perhaps all our fears are an invitation to love ourselves deeper?
There is an attraction that is wired in our brains, to live fully, freely and joyously. Anything less will cause unhealthy chemistry. How you think and feel translates into your body, which ultimately influences your immune system and resilience. It starts with your perception of your world. Have you noticed that the same event happening to two people can be interpreted differently?
There is no way in which you can avoid pain and suffering, it is what we all have most in common. When we fight against it, get stuck in it, or carry resentment because of it, our physical health gets impacted. Today we can easily see and feel the effects of stress, anxiety, hopelessness and hostility in and around us. It causes inflammation in our body that intensifies until it contributes to critical and mental illness.
What are we to do if those are the appropriate responses to what is happening in our world? How can you keep balance? In the face of these unavoidable challenges, by finding meaning greater than your understanding, you are transcended by emphasising that strength is always birthed in the depth of your pain from the invitation to a deeper loving.
Perhaps all our fears are an invitation to love ourselves deeper?
From my experience when it comes to those seeking there is a helping hand of synchronicity. You know a sequence of seemingly unrelated events through the consideration of something beyond our understanding that becomes possibly significant and difficult to ignore. It is what we later call convictions, when we cannot explain it other than; "I know that I cannot not do this. It is important and significant for me to fulfil this beyond what I can understand." Have you ever felt that way? Conviction is the expression of the question with your presence; Why did I come? It is what I am feeling right now in preparing and sharing this with you.
In my work I mostly see people who have become stuck in some way or another and often with symptoms playing out in their mental and physical health when they accept and comfort themselves with quick and easy prescribed answers to the questions life is asking them. They seek to achieve their (often unconscious) ideal of success which leaves them no better than a dog chasing its own tale. It results in a life and spirit suppressed into a prison too feeble for the potential it holds. The mental and physical health of this person will certainly deteriorate. We are currently living within a society where the statistics available paints the picture of these symptoms being more frequent than ever documented before. It is one thing observing the numbers and another having a real-life human being with all their potentialities trapped and looking into the eyes of a loved one struggling and fighting for survival. It is with this urgency that I am sharing this with you, for those seeking and our first theme for everything unsolvable within us. For as long as we give prescribed answers to the questions and dedicate our life to solve that which is unsolvable within us we will deteriorate to mere information bodies ill with a terrible exhaustion and numbness beyond recognition of what it means to be truly alive and free as human beings.
Sweet Darkness: A poem by David Whyte.
When your eyes are tired
The world is tired also.
When you vision has gone
No part of the world can find you.
Time to go into the dark
Where the night has eyes
To recoginize its own.
There you can be sure
You are not beyond love.
The dark will be your home
tonight.
The night will give you a horison
Further than you can see.
You must learn one thing
The world was made to be free in
Give up all the other worlds
Except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
Anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
Now, I am not promising to give you an answer, because of course this is not a problem. In fact, I am quite disturbed about the many books and teachers giving answers and solutions which only perpetuates the idea that it is something that can be solved. I am not here to give you another promised mountain to climb, only to realise when you get to the top that the inner tension still persists. I am not here to give you a formula or potion that will numb out the bad and hard times, because the bad and hard times will always come with an invitation to the beauty and joy you weren't aware of before. Everything unsolvable within you is an ongoing invitation to a deeper conversation, to a relationship with the core part of yourself that is the thread to everything beyond yourself and beyond your own understanding. Knowing yourself in this way, which is the path to knowing anything else beyond your understanding is an ongoing, present-continuous conversation and an invitation into a deeper and more intimate relationship with life itself.
They say to you, follow these steps and here is the road to success, you are sure to achieve it through your own strength. I say to you, do not ask others where your path goes, only in the core of your being will your path be shown to you and the only steps you can take on your path is your own. With each step you will be given the next, not from outside, but inside yourself. A strong mind and body can endure much, but is feeble in relation to the ongoing life that is overflowing in the core of your being. Your inner tension is not to be avoided (and is unavoidable), but rather the door that is opening as you are returning home again and again. Too often we rely on our own strength (mind and body) while forgetting the power within the core of our being. This is why we often only wake up to our inner tension when we are at our weakest, when our mind has run out of answers and our body out of vitality to carry on. It is when we are at our lowest possible point, when our understanding and strength cannot bring us back or even keep us standing that we are already at the point of our transformation. It is here at this point where we wake up to our inner tension and surrender to all the questions spiralling in confusion within us, that a holy curiosity seeks us out in the storm and takes our hand as we begin to find our own path. Here upon your own path the weight of this overbearing life we live keeps pressing us to a stronger, deeper and more patient questioning into our life.
For those seeking it is a journey within. You have been told that you have to go and find yourself, but what if who you are is searching for you? For everything unsolvable within us is an invitation to answer with who you are, why you are here and how you choose to respond, the question life is asking of you right now.
my final answer: a poem by Jaco Fourie.
i can't stop dreaming about this…
it feels so close
and out of reach
like a memory
i catch a glimpse
of what the answer might be,
but the question still escapes
inside the blindspot of me.
i can't stop remembering all of it…
it feels so close
and out of reach
like a dream
i catch a glimpse
of questions eternally spiralling,
but the answer still escapes
inside the blindspot of me.
i woke up with it again this morning, if only i could put my finger upon it.
i wake up with it every morning, if only i could come to grips with it.
what is it that is living inside of me that can't help but to try and try and try? -
dreams showing me clues
of some space and time
where my mind just can't
seem to break through,
but glimpses,
flashes these beyond sensations
of memories of where i've been,
of places words can't begin,
to describe, because these places
leaves me speechless
and takes my breath away
and then i have to take it all in
again, and breath it out, again,
like a valley of desolation,
my being gives a deep sigh
and silence bursts out of my mouth
and clarity pours out of my eyes
past and future,
memory and dreams,
all collide -
the moment has arrived
it feels so close
and out of reach
because as soon as i try
and grab it,
where my mind just can't
seem to break through
they scatter,
flashes of beyond sensations
of places words can't begin,
to describe, because these places,
of what the answer might be
exist inside the blindspot of me.
and you woke up with it again this morning, if only you could put my finger upon it.
and you wake up with it every morning, if only you could come to grips with it.
what is it that is living inside of you that can't help but to try and try and try? -
dreams showing you clues
of some space and time
where your mind just can't
seem to break through,
but glimpses,
flashes these beyond sensations
of memories of where you've been,
of places words can't begin,
to describe because these places
leaves you speechless
and takes your breath away
and then you have to take it all in
again, and breathe it out, again,
like a valley of desolation,
your being gives a deep sigh
and silence bursts out of your mouth
and clarity pours out of your eyes
past and future,
memory and dreams,
all collide -
the moment has arrived.
it feels so close
and out of reach
because as soon as you try
and grab it,
where your mind just can't
seem to break through
they scatter,
flashes of beyond sensations
of places words can't begin,
to describe, because these places,
where the questions spiralling eternally
exists inside the blindspot of you
what is it that is living inside of us that can't help but to try and try and try? -
i've been running in every direction
sometimes away,
other times towards it,
with none of my seeking
bringing me closer than before
to an answer i can share
with these poems
other than to
try, try and try
with my last
hope that
my life might be
my final answer,
the last line.